The New GOP Dictionary

We live in confusing times. Many words now have different meanings than they used to and for many of us, namely those not initiated in the new use of language pioneered and perfected by the Republican party, it can be hard to keep up. So, as a public service, The Dragnut Times have taken it upon ourselves to provide our readers with a cheat sheet, if you will, to help you better understand what your Republican/conservative/Christian evangelical/Tea Party acquaintances and family members (and certain members of the mass media) actually mean when they use certain words.

American: 1. n. A white, Christian person born in the United States of America and its territories to white, Christian parents who were also born in the United States of America and its territories. 2. adj. of or having to do with being a white, Christian person born in the United States of America and its territories to white, Christian parents who were also born in the United States of America and its territories.

Feminism: n. A movement and ideology that is a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

Gun: n. YEE HAW!!

Muslim: 1. n. A terrorist. 2. adj. Of or having to do with being a terrorist.

Patriot: 1. (see 1. under American) 2. n. A person who is not a Democrat, a liberal, a progressive, or a Muslim.

Poor: 1. n. An undeserving, lazy person. 2. adj. Of or having to do with being an undeserving, lazy person.

Religious Freedom (or Liberty): 1. n. Government officials imposing their religious beliefs on private citizens by the use of, or refusal thereof, the powers vested in them by their public office. (ed.note: this used to mean the exact opposite of this, see Constitution of the United States, Amendment 1) 2. n. Discrimination against members of the LGBT community based purely on their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Science: 1. n. Totally theoretical and unproven ideas about the nature of our world and the universe, put forward by traitors, that have no basis in scripture and are therefore false. 2. n. the story of how God created the universe and our world and every living thing on it in six days.

Terrorist: 1. n. A Muslim person. 2. adj. Of or having to do with being a Muslim person.

Traitor: n. A person who is neither an American nor a Patriot.

Voter Fraud: v. When people of color (usually African Americans) try to vote.