Lies: The Top Ten

“How can you tell when so and so is lying? His lips are moving.” That’s an old joke and it has nothing to do with the list below, but it’s about lying so I thought I’d throw it in here where the introductory preamble to the listicle is supposed to go. Listicle…that word always makes me laugh. I picture the way men’s balls tend to hang a bit (or more) lopsided, one lower than the other, like they’re listing. Listing. Testicle. Listicle. It’s a portmanteau, see? Okay, I think that’s enough stalling. On with the show: here now, the top ten lies of all time (as of this morning at 10:30 am PST).

10. Send me the link, I’ll listen right now!

9. Oh yeah, I read [very well known classic book title], who hasn’t? But it was a long time ago so I don’t remember a lot of it.

8. Your hair looks great that way.

7. You thought she was pretty? Okay. I didn’t really notice.

6. Don’t be ridiculous; you do not need to go on a diet.

5. [cough, sniffle] I won’t be in to work today, I’m not [cough] feeling well…

4. You look fine, I wouldn’t have even noticed it if you hadn’t told me about it.

3. Pepsi’s fine.

2. I’d be happy to.

1. Greedo shot first.